I miss you so much! I feel like I might forget you are real. I don't know how much longer I can do this. The time we get together is so little... And it's gotten less and less
often as time goes by.
I know without a doubt that you love me deeply. I have to make myself remember sometimes, but I do believe even though I don't feel it often, it's still real. I think sometimes, that maybe I'd be happier if I let go, and found someone else who would be better at showing how he feels about me, or someone who was more consistently happy. But I keep believing that if I just hang on a little longer, you'll come back.. more often... and stay longer each time.
Everyone tells me to stop. I don't even like telling my friends anymore how I feel about you or that we're sorta back together. Because I know they disapprove. I look like that stupid girl who doesn't know when to quit. But they don't understand. They don't know you. I know you. And I achingly love the man that I know. Even the shadow of yourself that you leave behind when you go. I love that part too, but he is draining me. He doesn't give back, so when you leave, I keep giving, in so many ways, trying to show him what you and I have together. Hoping he'll see that it's better whwn we're together, and he'll let you come back more often.
But I don't think he gets it. Or he doesn't seem to care. He just isn't happy. I wish I could help him be more like you... So there wasn't such an obvious difference between you. But he's empty I think. Like a shell. He has nothing to pull from, no way to be filled. I can't fill him. But I keep trying. I don't know any other way.
I don't tell you all this to make you feel bad for leaving me here. But so you know why I cling to you so hard when you come back. And to tell you I am hanging on the best that I can. I had given up for a while, but I'm trying one more time to wait. Please hear me.
Yours always,
A
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